[ It is honesty week, but Joonghyuk isn’t really one to say many words. He thinks about it, trying to figure out how best to put it without saying too much. ]
it's... about what he's expecting, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. xie lian's heart aches for joonghyuk - if he feels empty, then his is full of empathy in exchange, holding the suffering of others as he can. kindness, as ever, is what powers his every word, his every action - like he'd said the night before, kindness can mean a lot when someone has been through something cruel. ]
... I'm sorry. [ it's not enough - there are no words that could even begin to cover it. he knows that joonghyuk has lost kim dokja, over and over, but there cannot be a single thing that would make it even remotely easier.
san lang burrows a little closer into niah's side, too. ]
[ ... What is there to say when someone apologizes? When someone sympathizes or pities you? It doesn't change how he feels. It doesn't change that Dokja died, again. Even if he were to think the dead will return soon, it doesn't make all of this go away. Niah doesn't make a sound, if anything he becomes quieter.
What does he even do now as he waits? ]
The last time Kim Dokja died, it was to stop an outer god from eating the entire realm and to send all of us back home safely. He didn't leave a body behind and, if he did, we wouldn't have been able to retrieve it.
[ He supposes he can tell Dokja's story. ]
Our companions tried to be there and fight with him... While I was unconscious from our previous engagement. When I woke up, I saw we've been moved and noticed one less star in the sky. By my bedside was a pocket watch, seemingly handcrafted and made for me.
[ Which he has in his hand. It's open to show its intricate face, ticking away. ]
Everyone else had the opportunity to talk to him. [ ... ] For me, he left without a word.
he's quiet as that finishes, letting the words resonate. and then, eventually... ]
... It is one of the true cruelties of this place - that we are left unable to do anything, while the people we care for are killed, or forced to be killers.
[ it goes unsaid that he recognizes how horrible it must feel, to be stuck like that once again. for joonghyuk, who has already experienced such a thing, to be laid unconscious as kim dokja died once more - its too cruel. unbelievably so. ]
And so he has left, again. [ oh, kim dokja. xie lian opens his mouth, and then closes it again, pressing his lips together, and gives a small shake of his head. ] If that song is to believed, in a way to even save us all.
...earlier this week, we spoke in a way that had me wondering if he knew something was going to happen. [ zetsu your fucking death flags ] But, I made a promise to him all the same, hoping there would be no reason to carry on with it.
[ but there was one. the worst.
... ]
...I miss him already. [ quietly, a final addition. kim dokja had become a very dear friend. ]
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I saw Allen Walker earlier.
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Good. I'm glad.
[ that's a relief, at least.
there's a little more quiet after that, and then, eventually. ] ...How are you feeling? [ it's honesty week, so - worth a shot to ask. ]
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Empty.
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it's... about what he's expecting, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. xie lian's heart aches for joonghyuk - if he feels empty, then his is full of empathy in exchange, holding the suffering of others as he can. kindness, as ever, is what powers his every word, his every action - like he'd said the night before, kindness can mean a lot when someone has been through something cruel. ]
... I'm sorry. [ it's not enough - there are no words that could even begin to cover it. he knows that joonghyuk has lost kim dokja, over and over, but there cannot be a single thing that would make it even remotely easier.
san lang burrows a little closer into niah's side, too. ]
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What does he even do now as he waits? ]
The last time Kim Dokja died, it was to stop an outer god from eating the entire realm and to send all of us back home safely. He didn't leave a body behind and, if he did, we wouldn't have been able to retrieve it.
[ He supposes he can tell Dokja's story. ]
Our companions tried to be there and fight with him... While I was unconscious from our previous engagement. When I woke up, I saw we've been moved and noticed one less star in the sky. By my bedside was a pocket watch, seemingly handcrafted and made for me.
[ Which he has in his hand. It's open to show its intricate face, ticking away. ]
Everyone else had the opportunity to talk to him. [ ... ] For me, he left without a word.
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he's quiet as that finishes, letting the words resonate. and then, eventually... ]
... It is one of the true cruelties of this place - that we are left unable to do anything, while the people we care for are killed, or forced to be killers.
[ it goes unsaid that he recognizes how horrible it must feel, to be stuck like that once again. for joonghyuk, who has already experienced such a thing, to be laid unconscious as kim dokja died once more - its too cruel. unbelievably so. ]
And so he has left, again. [ oh, kim dokja. xie lian opens his mouth, and then closes it again, pressing his lips together, and gives a small shake of his head. ] If that song is to believed, in a way to even save us all.
...earlier this week, we spoke in a way that had me wondering if he knew something was going to happen. [ zetsu your fucking death flags ] But, I made a promise to him all the same, hoping there would be no reason to carry on with it.
[ but there was one. the worst.
... ]
...I miss him already. [ quietly, a final addition. kim dokja had become a very dear friend. ]
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He's a fool. [ ... ] I sometimes miss him when he's right next to me.
[ It's a complicated kind of loneliness. ]