… Rather than that helping others, I thought of only myself.
[ There’s emphasis on their difference. Xie Lian wanted to save people, at least try. It’s a notion he’s familiar with, the failure that comes from it even more so. Defying the gods or not, Joonghyuk knows a story cannot be without sacrifice. You cannot save everyone.
(But he wants to believe differently. It’s always like this.)
Because, you know, he just… Wanted to die which is impossible. The next best thing is to never wake up and he’s curse the whole world with him. He crosses his arms, a usual stance he takes—defensive. Niah’s ears pin back, though the wolf daemon doesn’t show more signs of unease.
Joonghyuk is used to being watched—used to having his story sold to the gods, but in this world he gets some semblance of privacy even with the Watchers listening. ]
You wanted a happy ending, and to save your world. [ sounds pretty nice to him, buddy!!
anyway. it doesn't last, though - there's no unkindness in how he points it out - and san lang makes a soft noise, hopping down from xie lian's shoulder and sitting down in front of niah, pinned ears and all. the tiniest ferret, in the face of a big bad wolf.
though, even so - the last part surprises him. ]
...Do you feel any closer to solving it, now? [ even after that?
he doesn't say, but it hangs in the space between them. ]
[ don't use his lines against him!! fool! He grows quiet because... As he thinks back to that round, he was ready to die at any moment. For months, he found nothing to lift up that despair and weariness, until hope came to him in an anomaly.
Niah, despite being a large black wolf, has never seemed to bark at anyone... He is just large, maybe sometimes growls, but mostly well-behaved. ]
I don't want to die anymore. [ That has changed and that's why he's here. ] Did you save your people?
[ His expression softens, though he's still frowning. They can enjoy the silence, though Niah pads over to check on Xie Lian with little distanced sniffs. ]
... But it was worth it, wasn't it? Xie Lian. [ Finally, he breaks the silence with a question. ] To know you did everything you could.
[ ... that's the first time anyone has ever asked him something like that.
his eyes go a little wide, as niah comes into his space and he looks down at the wolf. ]
...
[ xie lian thinks about it. he really, truly does - he thinks about xian le, burning. he thinks about the desperate, sobbing faces of his citizens. their fury, their misery, their desperation, as the human face plague tore through the population, as the war horns of yong'an hemmed xian le in further, and further.
did he make it better? or did he just make it worse?
xie lian thinks about what it would have meant, to stay in the heavens and just watch. ]
...yes.
[ and the answer comes with confidence - with iron forged to steel, tempered by the flames of disaster that destroyed his home. ]
I said then that I would not regret. [ so it was worth it. ] I would have rathered face their fury head on and try, than to watch impassively from above. [ because ultimately, xie lian's godhood was never what it was about. he became a god because he was simply excellent enough to do so.
but it was a tool to save people - and when it failed to do so, he gave it up without an ounce of hesitation. ] I would not be an audience to someone else's suffering. Not if I can help it.
[ Niah looks up at him with his bright amber eyes... In them is a calm fire that can never be snuffed. There is a silence as they both allow Xie Lian to find his answer. It's something he can relate to—doing as much as you can, anything possible, even if in the end you fail. For worse or better, no one truly knows the outcomes.
It is not all for naught. ]
That's right. There's nothing to regret.
[ He only repeats Xie Lian's answer, like it's a reminder. ]
[ it is moments like these that it is obvious that xie lian was a prince - and maybe even more so, that there was something godly about him. he was chosen for ascension for a reason, and the strength of his character, hardened into steel, is one of them.
even his daemon - a tiny little creature, a ferret - straightens a bit where he stands.
there's nothing to regret. it's a reminder. ]
... I intend to find the creature who cursed Xian Le and caused the suffering, and I intend to remove him from the three realms with my own hand. No matter how long it takes.
[ a pause. ]
And you intend to find your ending - the right one. I pray that you do, Mr. Joonghyuk.
[ It's good to see Xie Lian has composed himself again to be who he always has been, or should always be. Joonghyuk has no words for the vow, only silent understanding that ambitions and drive is what helps everyone take another step forward.
Niah circles back to Joonghyuk, done with checking. The mention of his ending doesn't spur the same exuberance in him. Instead, he looks away. Almost filled with contempt. ]
... I will. Even if that means I have to force him to come back home.
[ He's confident in getting what he wants, no matter how long or how many times it takes. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
… Rather than that helping others, I thought of only myself.
[ There’s emphasis on their difference. Xie Lian wanted to save people, at least try. It’s a notion he’s familiar with, the failure that comes from it even more so. Defying the gods or not, Joonghyuk knows a story cannot be without sacrifice. You cannot save everyone.
(But he wants to believe differently. It’s always like this.)
Because, you know, he just… Wanted to die which is impossible. The next best thing is to never wake up and he’s curse the whole world with him. He crosses his arms, a usual stance he takes—defensive. Niah’s ears pin back, though the wolf daemon doesn’t show more signs of unease.
Joonghyuk is used to being watched—used to having his story sold to the gods, but in this world he gets some semblance of privacy even with the Watchers listening. ]
Two regressions ago.
[ So… He didn’t “die.” ]
no subject
he frowns right back, stubbornly. ]
You wanted a happy ending, and to save your world. [ sounds pretty nice to him, buddy!!
anyway. it doesn't last, though - there's no unkindness in how he points it out - and san lang makes a soft noise, hopping down from xie lian's shoulder and sitting down in front of niah, pinned ears and all. the tiniest ferret, in the face of a big bad wolf.
though, even so - the last part surprises him. ]
...Do you feel any closer to solving it, now? [ even after that?
he doesn't say, but it hangs in the space between them. ]
no subject
Niah, despite being a large black wolf, has never seemed to bark at anyone... He is just large, maybe sometimes growls, but mostly well-behaved. ]
I don't want to die anymore. [ That has changed and that's why he's here. ] Did you save your people?
no subject
anyway. xie lian is silent, for a long moment. ]
...No.
[ his voice is soft. ] I didn't.
[ no matter what he did. no matter how hard he tried. no matter how many things he did - he could not save the people of xian le.
the white no face's voice echoes in his ears. you're going to lose! ]
no subject
... But it was worth it, wasn't it? Xie Lian. [ Finally, he breaks the silence with a question. ] To know you did everything you could.
[ Instead of just accepting what they said. ]
no subject
his eyes go a little wide, as niah comes into his space and he looks down at the wolf. ]
...
[ xie lian thinks about it. he really, truly does - he thinks about xian le, burning. he thinks about the desperate, sobbing faces of his citizens. their fury, their misery, their desperation, as the human face plague tore through the population, as the war horns of yong'an hemmed xian le in further, and further.
did he make it better? or did he just make it worse?
xie lian thinks about what it would have meant, to stay in the heavens and just watch. ]
...yes.
[ and the answer comes with confidence - with iron forged to steel, tempered by the flames of disaster that destroyed his home. ]
I said then that I would not regret. [ so it was worth it. ] I would have rathered face their fury head on and try, than to watch impassively from above. [ because ultimately, xie lian's godhood was never what it was about. he became a god because he was simply excellent enough to do so.
but it was a tool to save people - and when it failed to do so, he gave it up without an ounce of hesitation. ] I would not be an audience to someone else's suffering. Not if I can help it.
[ not if i can try. ]
no subject
It is not all for naught. ]
That's right. There's nothing to regret.
[ He only repeats Xie Lian's answer, like it's a reminder. ]
no subject
even his daemon - a tiny little creature, a ferret - straightens a bit where he stands.
there's nothing to regret. it's a reminder. ]
... I intend to find the creature who cursed Xian Le and caused the suffering, and I intend to remove him from the three realms with my own hand. No matter how long it takes.
[ a pause. ]
And you intend to find your ending - the right one. I pray that you do, Mr. Joonghyuk.
no subject
Niah circles back to Joonghyuk, done with checking. The mention of his ending doesn't spur the same exuberance in him. Instead, he looks away. Almost filled with contempt. ]
... I will. Even if that means I have to force him to come back home.
[ He's confident in getting what he wants, no matter how long or how many times it takes. ]
no subject
...Do you mean Kim Dokja? [ him, anyway.
its like wow you ever just realize your new mentor (assigned) and new friend (chosen) are kinda gay ]
no subject
Yes.