[ He hesitates and then frowns a little bit at that. ]
...I would, but I'll be honest. I don't know how many others have this marking. I was given it by Suriel, but I haven't actually found anyone else. I haven't showed the coin to too many people because the couple I have did have the mark. So... I'm not sure who did this or how widespread it is.
[ He feels really bad at this hard work, but he's wondering how many there are out there, even... And he rubs his face a little frustrated. ]
Then, perhaps you would be agreeable to allowing me to look for it, too? There are a total of five, including yourself - can you tell me how many there were that you confirmed having it?
From there, I can likely make a list, based on the trial last week, of people who were more hesitant of sharing their coins - I can also confirm with the Celestials I have identified, just in case.
I know a fair number of Celestials. Between cross-checking those two things, I should be able to come up with a decent list.
Then, I will seek out the Celestials that I know. I can likely guess one of the ones you shared with - so I can at least eliminate him from the list.
[ one down!
there's a pause. he seems to be thinking over what he's saying, and tucks his hands into his sleeves. ]
... You should check with the Watchers on these things. I spoke recently with one who has told me that it is beneficial for the Celestials to all find each other, and vice versa - but also, that some of the requirements on sharing teams will become more lax, at some point soon. At the moment, you can safely share your team with three people per week.
That being said, I do not think there is a problem in being cautious - but I think that the longer that you are an unknown, the more potential danger you are putting yourself in. Do remember the Angels do not care to identify a target's team for the person they compel, and as the numbers dwindle, it becomes just as dangerous to be a lone wolf as it does to seek allies.
...though, we've already had that conversation, once.
[ xie lian pauses, there, and then shakes his head, slipping into a more formal bow. ]
On that note, I would like to apologize once more formally for this weekend. I never had any intention of pressuring you; there was a reason why I never once asked if you had a role, as well as why I stepped back from the conversation itself. I would have never approached you if I was not nearly completely sure that you had one, and once you rebuffed me, I had no intentions of addressing it again. It surprised me quite a bit, that you and Mr. Sholmes were both present at our usual meeting.
...You've both made it quite clear you don't trust me. [ his voice softens a little, here, and... there's something sad, there, but it clears, quickly. ] So, if you would like me to step back from these meetings entirely, I can surely do so. I have only attended them to this point because I was asked by the others for guidance, and to act as liason, as I told you before.
...Your comfort is and has always been important to me, Mr. Kotetsu, and I am sorry, that my actions for a moment could have caused you hurt or fear.
...Yeah. You can. The other being yourself and one of the deceased. van Zieks.
[ who, well, was a temporal, of course. ]
It's... complicated. It's not that I don't trust you. I don't trust this place. I have something I need to guard and I feel like I'm not quite the same as the other roles. I can't help solve things like them.
[ which is incredibly vague, but he's been guarded. ]
This isn't anything personal. This is just how I am. Even back home, I had a partner I'd trust with my life, but I didn't tell him when I was losing my powers. I hid it from him until a major incident happened.
If I have something important to hide, that's what I do. And since I didn't know anyone here... I didn't know who I should talk to.
Maybe Sholmes and I were being too tight lipped on the secret, but I didn't want to end up sharing it with someone and wind up in the body count. I have to protect myself, so I can help protect everyone.
[ he rubs his neck, sighing some. ]
It felt like you kept trying to coax it out of me. Which, I get it. You're trying to help me. Help everyone. To try to ease that burden and work through this together. But I'll also say, what you did to Sholmes didn't sit right with me, either. Sure, personal bias, but I think we've all got that going on.
All of us handled this pretty bad. But I still respect you. And I don't want this to damage what we had. I want to work with you, to end all of this. I still have faith in you, Xie Lian. I still want to be a piece of hope that carries everyone, just like you.
And I'm sure you know by now... we don't have a lot of time life.
I was not trying to do so - or rather, I was at first, but once I recognized you were uncomfortable, I stopped, immediately. Again, I apologize; I hope you know that I am not the type of person to actively bully information from others. But, it is exactly as you said - I've been working with the roles since the very first week they were gifted their abilities, and because of that, it was, for a time, my duty to help them find each other. Learning that unity is what this place wants from us from our meeting also tells me that was even more imperative to do so. Even still, I do not think that the advice I gave is advice that should go unheeded - because it applies even in this situation, today.
As for "what I did to Mr. Sholmes". Are you referring to our conversation as a group? You will have to perhaps excuse my own biases, and when I lost my own temper, Mr. Kotetsu, but the information that you can only speak to two people outside of other roles is something they have spoken about in role meetings before - which is information that could have gotten to you, and by proxy, Mr. Sholmes, had they been able to work with you, sooner. I hope that you can see as well how frustrating that is, as the consequences directly harmed someone important to me - the very same way he was trying to plead with me, as if I could not possibly understand how important you are to him. All of this could have been avoided, had you been willing to work with them sooner.
[ he sighs. ] That being said, I have no interest of talking about this any longer. It is under the bridge. I understand your reasoning. I understand your fear, and I am sorry, that you had such a thing happen to you, regarding your powers, but... I hope that perhaps this is, if nothing else, a chance to learn that hiding things from others is not as beneficial as it seems.
...I hope that you will also speak with Baraqiel and the other Celestials, soon, as well.
And if you have faith in me, Mr. Kotetsu, then I am lucky to have it. [ xie lian bows his head again, and then straightens. ] You are welcome to reach out to me at any time for help.
[ he can't help the bit of annoyance at how he brushes past that. ]
Just going to say that and not let me get in a word about my side of things? I'm trying to be nice here. I want to work with you and have wanted to work with people before. I didn't know that long before Yuri came to me. And before that? What if I told the wrong people? Sholmes wasn't trying to hurt anyone and there's plenty I didn't ask, since I had a lot of other important things to ask.
I asked if it was fine to talk to Sholmes about the role. I know it hurt someone that's important to you... and I'd be mad if the same happened to my position. I think you two... are being pretty stubborn about this. I'm not saying Sholmes didn't do anything wrong, but what he did, he meant it only in a way to help. He wants everyone to get where they want and to resolve this. So, I... think you're being kind of unfair to him.
I want you two to get along. To understand each other's side and I feel like it's missing the point. You both wanted to protect something important. People got hurt. Even if it wasn't intentional, sure, it wasn't right. But I think how you're treating him isn't fair, either.
You can be upset at my for not managing to find roles earlier. But don't put it on him for trying what he could at first. For thinking it might be best to keep me safe until the right time.
And I'd do the same again. I don't regret my choices. But I don't want anyone hurting. I made the choices I made because I felt they were the right way to go about it. Maybe you think I'm wrong, but I stand by what I did and I won't be ashamed of that.
[ but he half nods. ]
I plan to speak to Baraqiel soon, about another matter. I talked to him pretty recent, though.
[ xie lian looks a little hurt? at first. but - he listens. that's what he does. it's what he's done for the roles, it's what he's already done with sholmes, it's what he does for anyone. his own compassion and heart is why he was good at the part of the duty he'd said to kotetsu in his own realm, long before.
he lets kotetsu finish, and then says, softly. ] ...You misunderstand me.
When I say that I want to move on, it's not that I don't want to hear your concerns. It is exactly what you said before. I want to move on because I am not someone who is swayed by conflicts or disagreements - my interest is, and has always been, helping the whole. I want to move on because this isn't about me, nor is it about Mr. Sholmes. I want to solve problems, and find a solution to this conflict of Celestials and Temporals.
But, if it will help, I will say thus. I understand Mr. Sholmes's side perfectly. Allow me to restate what I have gleaned from speaking with both of you. He wanted to protect you because he cares very much for you, and so he advised you to keep your role secret. He then sought out the other roles, to help out, and did not truly understand the consequences of the actions he caused, in doing so. He only wanted to help. He understands the consequences now, and is deeply apologetic. Is that correct?
I have been listening. [ so.. it is hurtful, that both sholmes and kotetsu seem to think that he hasn't been. ]
...I am not upset at you, Mr. Kotetsu, and I am - annoyed, with Mr. Sholmes, but for reasons beyond this that I do not wish to share with you, because I am tired of airing grievances. I do believe I am allowed some time to feel that way, but not for a moment will I let it interrupt the work being done of trying to stop this conflict from happening.
[ because that is all that xie lian has ever wanted. ever. ]
... If you are going to speak with Baraqiel about receiving any sort of power - and I am not seeking information, I am only sharing a warning. [ he holds up a hand, just in case. ] ...But I would be careful. As a part of their punishment for what happened, they have been severely weakened, and are unable to give out many powers this week, including healing for those who often come back from those adventures on Thursday.
[ with that, he stands. ]
In the meantime, I will attend to this coin matter for you. If you have any need of me, Mr. Kotetsu, you need only ask, and I will help you in whatever manners possible, whether it is to make connections, to help guide you towards another Celestial to share your team with, or help in solving some of the larger issues of this place.
[ he feels some very mixed feelings here. and he can't help but frown. ]
I'm not letting my personal bias stop me from doing my duty or my working to move forward. That's how it's always been for me. Why I've had to make people worry when I'm injured. I cannot stop.
The last I'll say on this is... Maybe we are misunderstanding, but I feel like you've let those grievances, whatever they might be, influence how you've handled this. Plain and simple, you hurt Sholmes. I think we're allowed to feel upset about this, too. But both of us are still working toward the bigger goal.
[ But he sighs and rubs his neck. ]
I'd already set in motion my healing at the end of last week. If you want, I can cancel it and find someone else.
[ because, well. it has already been set in motion. but. he can stop. ]
Thanks, for the coin bit. It should make the trial a little more smooth on that end. Unfortunately, we have other problems that might come up with checks this week.
[ namely body checks... ]
As far as this bigger picture. I can't help much. Which is exactly why I wanted Sholmes involved. He's got the brains and the motivation to help.
[ ????? ] But - I'm not sure what you mean by 'this', beyond the initial situation. I have spoken to Mr. Sholmes and apologized to him, already. If Mr. Sholmes would like to speak with me about other problems, then, respectfully, I would like to keep that between myself and Mr. Sholmes, if that's alright.
...And I also never said that you were not allowed to feel that way, Mr. Kotetsu, and the same goes for him. - you are missing the point entirely. I have never asked anything of you otherwise; I am only asking that you respect the same of me.
...It hurts me a little, that you are making these assumptions of me, and the kind of person that I am, beyond anything else. I thought...
[ ... ] ...well. It doesn't matter so much what I thought. [ he bows his head, and when he lifts it, has a sheepish, small smile on his face. ]
You should be fine, if you planned it last week. With that, I should get going - I must get to work on finding these coins.
[ the small, sad smile remains on his face as he glances back at him from where he's stood. after everything they've talked about, in their weeks here - after all the places they've bonded, the places where their thinking fell into the perfect alignment, of being kind to others, of helping others as much as you can... ]
...I suppose that I just thought that you thought more of me, and the type of person that I am. That's all.
[ ... but, it's really nothing unfamiliar. and that's the worst part of it. (a fallen god has no believers, after all.)
with that, xie lian bows again - this time, deep. ] I am sorry, once again. I will reflect on my behavior, and I won't take up any more of your time. Have a good evening, Mr. Kotetsu.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
...I would, but I'll be honest. I don't know how many others have this marking. I was given it by Suriel, but I haven't actually found anyone else. I haven't showed the coin to too many people because the couple I have did have the mark. So... I'm not sure who did this or how widespread it is.
[ He feels really bad at this hard work, but he's wondering how many there are out there, even... And he rubs his face a little frustrated. ]
no subject
[ he smiles, a little, sheepish. ]
Then, perhaps you would be agreeable to allowing me to look for it, too? There are a total of five, including yourself - can you tell me how many there were that you confirmed having it?
From there, I can likely make a list, based on the trial last week, of people who were more hesitant of sharing their coins - I can also confirm with the Celestials I have identified, just in case.
I know a fair number of Celestials. Between cross-checking those two things, I should be able to come up with a decent list.
no subject
[ part because of the weight of his role, but. that is what it is. ]
I didn't want to spread it too far and possibly put anyone else in danger with the teams. Maybe I'm being too cautious. I don't know.
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[ one down!
there's a pause. he seems to be thinking over what he's saying, and tucks his hands into his sleeves. ]
... You should check with the Watchers on these things. I spoke recently with one who has told me that it is beneficial for the Celestials to all find each other, and vice versa - but also, that some of the requirements on sharing teams will become more lax, at some point soon. At the moment, you can safely share your team with three people per week.
That being said, I do not think there is a problem in being cautious - but I think that the longer that you are an unknown, the more potential danger you are putting yourself in. Do remember the Angels do not care to identify a target's team for the person they compel, and as the numbers dwindle, it becomes just as dangerous to be a lone wolf as it does to seek allies.
...though, we've already had that conversation, once.
[ xie lian pauses, there, and then shakes his head, slipping into a more formal bow. ]
On that note, I would like to apologize once more formally for this weekend. I never had any intention of pressuring you; there was a reason why I never once asked if you had a role, as well as why I stepped back from the conversation itself. I would have never approached you if I was not nearly completely sure that you had one, and once you rebuffed me, I had no intentions of addressing it again. It surprised me quite a bit, that you and Mr. Sholmes were both present at our usual meeting.
...You've both made it quite clear you don't trust me. [ his voice softens a little, here, and... there's something sad, there, but it clears, quickly. ] So, if you would like me to step back from these meetings entirely, I can surely do so. I have only attended them to this point because I was asked by the others for guidance, and to act as liason, as I told you before.
...Your comfort is and has always been important to me, Mr. Kotetsu, and I am sorry, that my actions for a moment could have caused you hurt or fear.
no subject
[ who, well, was a temporal, of course. ]
It's... complicated. It's not that I don't trust you. I don't trust this place. I have something I need to guard and I feel like I'm not quite the same as the other roles. I can't help solve things like them.
[ which is incredibly vague, but he's been guarded. ]
This isn't anything personal. This is just how I am. Even back home, I had a partner I'd trust with my life, but I didn't tell him when I was losing my powers. I hid it from him until a major incident happened.
If I have something important to hide, that's what I do. And since I didn't know anyone here... I didn't know who I should talk to.
Maybe Sholmes and I were being too tight lipped on the secret, but I didn't want to end up sharing it with someone and wind up in the body count. I have to protect myself, so I can help protect everyone.
[ he rubs his neck, sighing some. ]
It felt like you kept trying to coax it out of me. Which, I get it. You're trying to help me. Help everyone. To try to ease that burden and work through this together. But I'll also say, what you did to Sholmes didn't sit right with me, either. Sure, personal bias, but I think we've all got that going on.
All of us handled this pretty bad. But I still respect you. And I don't want this to damage what we had. I want to work with you, to end all of this. I still have faith in you, Xie Lian. I still want to be a piece of hope that carries everyone, just like you.
And I'm sure you know by now... we don't have a lot of time life.
no subject
As for "what I did to Mr. Sholmes". Are you referring to our conversation as a group? You will have to perhaps excuse my own biases, and when I lost my own temper, Mr. Kotetsu, but the information that you can only speak to two people outside of other roles is something they have spoken about in role meetings before - which is information that could have gotten to you, and by proxy, Mr. Sholmes, had they been able to work with you, sooner. I hope that you can see as well how frustrating that is, as the consequences directly harmed someone important to me - the very same way he was trying to plead with me, as if I could not possibly understand how important you are to him. All of this could have been avoided, had you been willing to work with them sooner.
[ he sighs. ] That being said, I have no interest of talking about this any longer. It is under the bridge. I understand your reasoning. I understand your fear, and I am sorry, that you had such a thing happen to you, regarding your powers, but... I hope that perhaps this is, if nothing else, a chance to learn that hiding things from others is not as beneficial as it seems.
...I hope that you will also speak with Baraqiel and the other Celestials, soon, as well.
And if you have faith in me, Mr. Kotetsu, then I am lucky to have it. [ xie lian bows his head again, and then straightens. ] You are welcome to reach out to me at any time for help.
no subject
Just going to say that and not let me get in a word about my side of things? I'm trying to be nice here. I want to work with you and have wanted to work with people before. I didn't know that long before Yuri came to me. And before that? What if I told the wrong people? Sholmes wasn't trying to hurt anyone and there's plenty I didn't ask, since I had a lot of other important things to ask.
I asked if it was fine to talk to Sholmes about the role. I know it hurt someone that's important to you... and I'd be mad if the same happened to my position. I think you two... are being pretty stubborn about this. I'm not saying Sholmes didn't do anything wrong, but what he did, he meant it only in a way to help. He wants everyone to get where they want and to resolve this. So, I... think you're being kind of unfair to him.
I want you two to get along. To understand each other's side and I feel like it's missing the point. You both wanted to protect something important. People got hurt. Even if it wasn't intentional, sure, it wasn't right. But I think how you're treating him isn't fair, either.
You can be upset at my for not managing to find roles earlier. But don't put it on him for trying what he could at first. For thinking it might be best to keep me safe until the right time.
And I'd do the same again. I don't regret my choices. But I don't want anyone hurting. I made the choices I made because I felt they were the right way to go about it. Maybe you think I'm wrong, but I stand by what I did and I won't be ashamed of that.
[ but he half nods. ]
I plan to speak to Baraqiel soon, about another matter. I talked to him pretty recent, though.
no subject
he lets kotetsu finish, and then says, softly. ] ...You misunderstand me.
When I say that I want to move on, it's not that I don't want to hear your concerns. It is exactly what you said before. I want to move on because I am not someone who is swayed by conflicts or disagreements - my interest is, and has always been, helping the whole. I want to move on because this isn't about me, nor is it about Mr. Sholmes. I want to solve problems, and find a solution to this conflict of Celestials and Temporals.
But, if it will help, I will say thus. I understand Mr. Sholmes's side perfectly. Allow me to restate what I have gleaned from speaking with both of you. He wanted to protect you because he cares very much for you, and so he advised you to keep your role secret. He then sought out the other roles, to help out, and did not truly understand the consequences of the actions he caused, in doing so. He only wanted to help. He understands the consequences now, and is deeply apologetic. Is that correct?
I have been listening. [ so.. it is hurtful, that both sholmes and kotetsu seem to think that he hasn't been. ]
...I am not upset at you, Mr. Kotetsu, and I am - annoyed, with Mr. Sholmes, but for reasons beyond this that I do not wish to share with you, because I am tired of airing grievances. I do believe I am allowed some time to feel that way, but not for a moment will I let it interrupt the work being done of trying to stop this conflict from happening.
[ because that is all that xie lian has ever wanted. ever. ]
... If you are going to speak with Baraqiel about receiving any sort of power - and I am not seeking information, I am only sharing a warning. [ he holds up a hand, just in case. ] ...But I would be careful. As a part of their punishment for what happened, they have been severely weakened, and are unable to give out many powers this week, including healing for those who often come back from those adventures on Thursday.
[ with that, he stands. ]
In the meantime, I will attend to this coin matter for you. If you have any need of me, Mr. Kotetsu, you need only ask, and I will help you in whatever manners possible, whether it is to make connections, to help guide you towards another Celestial to share your team with, or help in solving some of the larger issues of this place.
no subject
I'm not letting my personal bias stop me from doing my duty or my working to move forward. That's how it's always been for me. Why I've had to make people worry when I'm injured. I cannot stop.
The last I'll say on this is... Maybe we are misunderstanding, but I feel like you've let those grievances, whatever they might be, influence how you've handled this. Plain and simple, you hurt Sholmes. I think we're allowed to feel upset about this, too. But both of us are still working toward the bigger goal.
[ But he sighs and rubs his neck. ]
I'd already set in motion my healing at the end of last week. If you want, I can cancel it and find someone else.
[ because, well. it has already been set in motion. but. he can stop. ]
Thanks, for the coin bit. It should make the trial a little more smooth on that end. Unfortunately, we have other problems that might come up with checks this week.
[ namely body checks... ]
As far as this bigger picture. I can't help much. Which is exactly why I wanted Sholmes involved. He's got the brains and the motivation to help.
no subject
[ ????? ] But - I'm not sure what you mean by 'this', beyond the initial situation. I have spoken to Mr. Sholmes and apologized to him, already. If Mr. Sholmes would like to speak with me about other problems, then, respectfully, I would like to keep that between myself and Mr. Sholmes, if that's alright.
...And I also never said that you were not allowed to feel that way, Mr. Kotetsu, and the same goes for him. - you are missing the point entirely. I have never asked anything of you otherwise; I am only asking that you respect the same of me.
...It hurts me a little, that you are making these assumptions of me, and the kind of person that I am, beyond anything else. I thought...
[ ... ] ...well. It doesn't matter so much what I thought. [ he bows his head, and when he lifts it, has a sheepish, small smile on his face. ]
You should be fine, if you planned it last week. With that, I should get going - I must get to work on finding these coins.
no subject
[ there's a sigh. he shakes his head. ]
...You can be honest to me about what you thought. But if you want to get going... that's fine.
[ he sounds frustrated, but he'll let xie lian go if that's what he desires. ]
no subject
...I suppose that I just thought that you thought more of me, and the type of person that I am. That's all.
[ ... but, it's really nothing unfamiliar. and that's the worst part of it. (a fallen god has no believers, after all.)
with that, xie lian bows again - this time, deep. ] I am sorry, once again. I will reflect on my behavior, and I won't take up any more of your time. Have a good evening, Mr. Kotetsu.
no subject
We should talk again. Soon. I think you're misunderstanding me a bit, too. But I want to think of how to say things better.
I hope you have a good evening. Truly...
no subject
[ another little nod. ] I am always happy to hear your words, Mr. Kotetsu. My offers in that regard have never once wavered.
[ but with that, he will open the door to head out. ]