[ there's a pause. one of the loudest of them was his own of spike, of course - and one he is glad to have found to be untrue, but... there were others, too, and it concerned him. ]
[ he shakes his head, lacing his hands together in his lap. ]
Not quite.
Rather... there are a small group of people who are working hard to get information together and help move things along towards solving the conflict - or, even towards solving trials or cases with their abilities and strengths.
...I've acted as something of a liason between them and the rest of the people here for a little while now. I know everyone here, for the most part, and I like to think - or, at least, I hope, that I have built up a reputation for being steadfast and true among the group as a whole. It does make me well suited for the position. Even still, I have not brought it up to many.
But - I trust you, Mr. Kotetsu, and I know that you are as well connected and well trusted as I - and rightfully so. So... I wanted to ask if perhaps you might have any similar information, or know anyone who might.
I think van Zieks mentioned something like that at that one trial, right...?
[ he rubs his chin, trying to think more about it. ]
Unless I've missed something, I haven't been told anything more about that. I'll keep it in mind if someone does talk to me, but... you're the one that people turn to first, I think.
I don't think so. Maybe among the younger among us, but - you are well loved and well trusted, more so than you ever give yourself credit for, Mr. Kotetsu.
[ he taps his thumbs together, thinking. ]
Well, if you do... they are looking for the rest of their members. And I... would like very much to be able to help them, however I can. I want to find a way to keep moving through all of this - and the more time we spend here, the more imperative it becomes to focus on the destruction of this entire system - [ he waves a hand, here - the one involving the temporals, the celestials, the conflict, and all of their trials. ] in order to save as many lives as we can.
Each loss, each week, hurts. This week's has been especially brutal. [ not just in the death of a young girl and a kind woman, but of their scapegoat of an innocent. ] But if we do not solve the biggest picture, then, they will simply continue. And when we are all gone, perhaps then it will simply move on to another group - others trapped in the same cycle.
I want to dismantle all of it, so people never have to worry about being dragged into this again. And I worry that if we forget our larger goal, then we will never make it that far. These people, I think, will make it easier - even if it just means solving trials in an organized manner, so that we waste as few lives as possible, or if it means that they can put their heads together with information the rest of us might not have access to as a whole quite yet.
As I said, if anyone comes to me, I'll try to help out.
And maybe I've been getting along with people, but I think you overestimate my influence here. People don't talk teams or things like that with me. I'm trying to get what information I can, but this isn't really my strong suit. So I'm here more to try to keep people going, but I've been failing at that part lately, too.
[ he huffs, a little and lifts his hands, folding his arms, instead. ] The people are really so - honestly. Baraqiel-gege first, and you - two of the finest people that I know! Talking about yourselves in such a way!
[ he turns to face kotetsu head on - words utterly sincere and genuine. even. a little scolding. ] It is your courage and faith that has kept so very many of us standing. Your words and encouragement have done much for me, Mr. Kotetsu, and I will not let you disparage yourself and say otherwise.
The way you're looking at me makes me believe that you don't actually believe me at all, despite your appreciation and gratitude. You are not very good at lying, Mr. Kotetsu.
[ says xie lian
who is also awful at lying. like recognizes like, maybe? ]
[ he sighs. some of the scolding frown on his face goes with the noise, replaced with that genuine, sincere care. worry, too. ]
...When you are hurting, Mr. Kotetsu, it is alright to lean on others. Any time, in this dreadful place that we are able to lean on others, we should do so. It does not make you any less strong, or any less helpful to do so.
...We all have to support each other, and hold each other up while this place does its very best to tear us down. Don't we?
[ it's like talking to a sad dog he's so worried about you kotetsu
after a moment, he frowns. ]
... Outside of this place - for a long time, it was my duty to listen to the worries of others. Their fears, their anger, their hopes and wishes... it was my very favorite part of those duties, when I was able to do so.
If you would like to confide in me... I would be happy to listen to you, Mr. Kotetsu. Whatever's on your mind.
Something happened when we were down in the miasma. Even if it's possibly an illusion, it haunts me. It's... not something I'm ready to talk about. But it made me doubt myself.
I need time to recover. My wounds are the least of my concerns.
...You were very kind to comfort me when I came back from my own, for a similar reason. I have always felt that you and I thought in a very similar way, Mr. Kotetsu - I always felt as if the mental wounds were far more severe than anything else that could have happened to me.
[ but. ]
...When I spoke with Nero, he said something about the likelihood of the powers behind all of this reaching out to our worlds, too. I can only imagine what horrors you may have seen - and for that, I am sorry.
I will not press, but... if it helps, any, I am here to listen. You can always send me a prayer. [ with a little smile - that's a little bit of a joke. ]
[ he opens his mouth before closing it and biting the inside of his mouth. he sincerely appreciates the support, but... ]
It was very personal. Not that I don't trust you, but I can't bring myself to talk about it. It's like an open wound... Maybe I'll be able to talk about it eventually. I'm sorry if I feels like I'm rejecting your offer.
[ there is a way that they're different, maybe, but... he doesn't say it, for now. ]
It does not feel that way at all, there's no need to fret. Some find prayer to be a comfort in difficult times, but it does tend to be much more anonymous. [ ? ]
...At any rate, I don't think there is anyone that can make you talk about anything you don't want to talk about, nor should they. [ a little smile. ] So, please - never feel as though you have to apologize to me.
[ it makes sense! he nods his head, as his hands drop back away and he starts to move to stand. ]
...Nor is there any about our other conversation, as well. I just hope you will heed what I have said - that you do not have to do things alone. No matter what those things are.
[ as he stands, xie lian bows - his fist pressed to his hand, deeply respectful. ]
My only hope is to make the burdens of this place easier on others, in every way I can. If there's anything at all I can ever do to help you, you need only ask.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
...And that we were not only unable to catch a killer this week, but we voted someone innocent in their place is beyond cruel.
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[ which makes this even worse, honestly! ]
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[ there's a pause. one of the loudest of them was his own of spike, of course - and one he is glad to have found to be untrue, but... there were others, too, and it concerned him. ]
...May I ask you a question, Mr. Kotetsu?
no subject
[ he's curious what xie lian wants to ask, to even prompt asking a question. ]
no subject
...how much are you aware of some of the work that goes on behind the scenes, here?
no subject
You mean what the Celestials and Temporals are doing?
no subject
Not quite.
Rather... there are a small group of people who are working hard to get information together and help move things along towards solving the conflict - or, even towards solving trials or cases with their abilities and strengths.
...I've acted as something of a liason between them and the rest of the people here for a little while now. I know everyone here, for the most part, and I like to think - or, at least, I hope, that I have built up a reputation for being steadfast and true among the group as a whole. It does make me well suited for the position. Even still, I have not brought it up to many.
But - I trust you, Mr. Kotetsu, and I know that you are as well connected and well trusted as I - and rightfully so. So... I wanted to ask if perhaps you might have any similar information, or know anyone who might.
no subject
I think van Zieks mentioned something like that at that one trial, right...?
[ he rubs his chin, trying to think more about it. ]
Unless I've missed something, I haven't been told anything more about that. I'll keep it in mind if someone does talk to me, but... you're the one that people turn to first, I think.
no subject
I don't think so. Maybe among the younger among us, but - you are well loved and well trusted, more so than you ever give yourself credit for, Mr. Kotetsu.
[ he taps his thumbs together, thinking. ]
Well, if you do... they are looking for the rest of their members. And I... would like very much to be able to help them, however I can. I want to find a way to keep moving through all of this - and the more time we spend here, the more imperative it becomes to focus on the destruction of this entire system - [ he waves a hand, here - the one involving the temporals, the celestials, the conflict, and all of their trials. ] in order to save as many lives as we can.
Each loss, each week, hurts. This week's has been especially brutal. [ not just in the death of a young girl and a kind woman, but of their scapegoat of an innocent. ] But if we do not solve the biggest picture, then, they will simply continue. And when we are all gone, perhaps then it will simply move on to another group - others trapped in the same cycle.
I want to dismantle all of it, so people never have to worry about being dragged into this again. And I worry that if we forget our larger goal, then we will never make it that far. These people, I think, will make it easier - even if it just means solving trials in an organized manner, so that we waste as few lives as possible, or if it means that they can put their heads together with information the rest of us might not have access to as a whole quite yet.
no subject
And maybe I've been getting along with people, but I think you overestimate my influence here. People don't talk teams or things like that with me. I'm trying to get what information I can, but this isn't really my strong suit. So I'm here more to try to keep people going, but I've been failing at that part lately, too.
[ there's a heavy sigh, shaking his head. ]
no subject
[ he huffs, a little and lifts his hands, folding his arms, instead. ] The people are really so - honestly. Baraqiel-gege first, and you - two of the finest people that I know! Talking about yourselves in such a way!
[ he turns to face kotetsu head on - words utterly sincere and genuine. even. a little scolding. ] It is your courage and faith that has kept so very many of us standing. Your words and encouragement have done much for me, Mr. Kotetsu, and I will not let you disparage yourself and say otherwise.
no subject
Well, I appreciate your words. I feel like I'm the one being kept up by people like you that are here encouraging me. So thanks for believing in me.
no subject
The way you're looking at me makes me believe that you don't actually believe me at all, despite your appreciation and gratitude. You are not very good at lying, Mr. Kotetsu.
[ says xie lian
who is also awful at lying. like recognizes like, maybe? ]
no subject
[ there's a wry bit of a smile here, but he does sincerely appreciate xie lian. ]
no subject
...When you are hurting, Mr. Kotetsu, it is alright to lean on others. Any time, in this dreadful place that we are able to lean on others, we should do so. It does not make you any less strong, or any less helpful to do so.
...We all have to support each other, and hold each other up while this place does its very best to tear us down. Don't we?
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I know. I'm making sure not to shut myself off from everyone. There's a few people that won't let me even if I wanted to.
[ a huff of a laugh. ]
I'm lucky to be surrounded by some very good people and I want to be able to give them back the same. It's good that it sounds like I'm managing that.
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[ it's like talking to a sad dog he's so worried about you kotetsu
after a moment, he frowns. ]
... Outside of this place - for a long time, it was my duty to listen to the worries of others. Their fears, their anger, their hopes and wishes... it was my very favorite part of those duties, when I was able to do so.
If you would like to confide in me... I would be happy to listen to you, Mr. Kotetsu. Whatever's on your mind.
no subject
Something happened when we were down in the miasma. Even if it's possibly an illusion, it haunts me. It's... not something I'm ready to talk about. But it made me doubt myself.
I need time to recover. My wounds are the least of my concerns.
no subject
...You were very kind to comfort me when I came back from my own, for a similar reason. I have always felt that you and I thought in a very similar way, Mr. Kotetsu - I always felt as if the mental wounds were far more severe than anything else that could have happened to me.
[ but. ]
...When I spoke with Nero, he said something about the likelihood of the powers behind all of this reaching out to our worlds, too. I can only imagine what horrors you may have seen - and for that, I am sorry.
I will not press, but... if it helps, any, I am here to listen. You can always send me a prayer. [ with a little smile - that's a little bit of a joke. ]
no subject
It was very personal. Not that I don't trust you, but I can't bring myself to talk about it. It's like an open wound... Maybe I'll be able to talk about it eventually. I'm sorry if I feels like I'm rejecting your offer.
no subject
It does not feel that way at all, there's no need to fret. Some find prayer to be a comfort in difficult times, but it does tend to be much more anonymous. [ ? ]
...At any rate, I don't think there is anyone that can make you talk about anything you don't want to talk about, nor should they. [ a little smile. ] So, please - never feel as though you have to apologize to me.
no subject
But it's been a strong reminder of what I need to get home to.
[ sometimes things are so very much. ]
no subject
[ it makes sense! he nods his head, as his hands drop back away and he starts to move to stand. ]
...Nor is there any about our other conversation, as well. I just hope you will heed what I have said - that you do not have to do things alone. No matter what those things are.
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If I find out about these mysterious people, I'll direct them your way.
no subject
[ as he stands, xie lian bows - his fist pressed to his hand, deeply respectful. ]
My only hope is to make the burdens of this place easier on others, in every way I can. If there's anything at all I can ever do to help you, you need only ask.