[ like many of the other memories here, this one is confusing - but, there are parts of it that feel familiar.
xie lian can get the gist of loops, and of shards, and the idea that rika is not the child she appears to be. that isn't even remotely surprising. but, no matter how old she is, no matter what she's been through - the sound of her sobs is heartbreaking, and it reminds him of a young boy with bandages over his face, screaming at a god what his reason to live should be.
he takes a deep breath as he shakes free from the memory, blinking the heavy emotion out of his eyes and turning to look at her properly.
there's a beat, and then. ]
...Miss Rika, I'm sorry for your loss. [ that seems the simplest place to start. it's the place that hits closer to home. his voice is soft and genuine. ] ...and for what tragedies it seems you have been through.
[ it's been a week now, of people seeing her at her most vulnerable. sometimes just her secrets - which is unpleasant, but more bearable.
this is miserable for a different reason. she's been in this place for weeks now, that's weeks of not dying! what a luxury! weeks to step back from her situation as she left it, and mull over what she truly wants to do. weeks to come to terms with certain information.
hanyuu leaving her, though, is still a much more easily opened wound. ]
[ xie lian has always been sensitive to the emotions of others. empathetic and deeply compassionate, he feels in massive, sweeping waves, and after hearing of her story - which doesn't at all feel impossible to xie lian, for so many reasons - it aches in his chest.
he sits with it for a moment. the two of them seem to be fairly good at sitting in silence; he's deeply reflective, as he does, and after a little while, says - ]
If you'd like me to forget what I saw, I can do so. Though... if you would like to talk about it at all, Miss Rika - [ such a genuine offer ] - I would be happy just to listen.
with a quiet little laugh - ] I did say that I felt you were very wise beyond your years.
[ amazing! he wasn't wrong.
in that silence, he seems to think on what he wants to say. how best to approach conversations of loss, of sorrow. his own situation - he isn't quite the right age, either, body too young for the years of life he has lived - is not nearly the same as something like a loop that consistently returns to a year that he would consider the far off future, and... it's not really what he wants to cover, anyway.
...thinking of loss, though - sometimes, it helps to remember the simple things. it's what he remembers of xian le.
so, he asks: ] What sort of person was Miss Hanyuu? She liked creme puffs, is that right?
[ she gives a distant nod to that comment. she doesn't know much about xie lian, but she does get something of the same impression from him. or maybe it's just the (?) next to his age in his profile. who knows.
rika doesn't brighten any, but she does relax, somewhat. this is an easier thing to talk about. even if she does it in a mean way. ]
She's a crybaby. She's always going "au au" and panicking and apologizing too much, even though everyone thinks that "Oyashiro-sama" is an unforgiving god.
... Our senses were linked. The same way that I've been linked with Kim all week. I used to eat spicy food to bully her.
[ mean is fine - he just laughs a little at that, especially at the godly title. he thought it might be something like that. ]
Gods are often a little misinterpreted, I think. [ after all, apparently one of the martial gods of the west that xie lian didn't really get to know turned out to be something of a lecher? who knows. not everyone can be jun wu who is perfect.
xie lian folds his hands in his lap. ]
I see. So, she saw and felt the world through you. May I ask how that came to be?
I learned long ago that to correct misinterpretations is blasphemous.
[ it turns out, no one will listen to a tiny child explaining that god is real and is right here and is crying over spicy food. and after a while, rika just stopped caring. ]
It's about bloodlines. It's... Complicated. But she was always with me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ xie lian smiles, at that. ]
Those who are aware of such secrets...and not. We are all working hard.
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I'm very proud of everyone.
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[ he turns that smile down to rika. ] I thought it was quite sweet of you, to comfort Mr. Joonghyuk the way you did.
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He's my friend. I didn't want him to be sad.
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Me either. He seemed quite upset.
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[ so good job, rika! ]
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[ and then - memory time. no i am not going to bother coming up with an excuse for how it got triggered. ]
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xie lian can get the gist of loops, and of shards, and the idea that rika is not the child she appears to be. that isn't even remotely surprising. but, no matter how old she is, no matter what she's been through - the sound of her sobs is heartbreaking, and it reminds him of a young boy with bandages over his face, screaming at a god what his reason to live should be.
he takes a deep breath as he shakes free from the memory, blinking the heavy emotion out of his eyes and turning to look at her properly.
there's a beat, and then. ]
...Miss Rika, I'm sorry for your loss. [ that seems the simplest place to start. it's the place that hits closer to home. his voice is soft and genuine. ] ...and for what tragedies it seems you have been through.
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this is miserable for a different reason. she's been in this place for weeks now, that's weeks of not dying! what a luxury! weeks to step back from her situation as she left it, and mull over what she truly wants to do. weeks to come to terms with certain information.
hanyuu leaving her, though, is still a much more easily opened wound. ]
... Thank you.
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he sits with it for a moment. the two of them seem to be fairly good at sitting in silence; he's deeply reflective, as he does, and after a little while, says - ]
If you'd like me to forget what I saw, I can do so. Though... if you would like to talk about it at all, Miss Rika - [ such a genuine offer ] - I would be happy just to listen.
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It's fine. You aren't the first person I have to give up on this ruse with. It no longer frustrates me.
[ it clearly does? but even so. pretending it isn't out there seems worse. rika lapses into silence again, until eventually: ]
There isn't much to talk about.
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with a quiet little laugh - ] I did say that I felt you were very wise beyond your years.
[ amazing! he wasn't wrong.
in that silence, he seems to think on what he wants to say. how best to approach conversations of loss, of sorrow. his own situation - he isn't quite the right age, either, body too young for the years of life he has lived - is not nearly the same as something like a loop that consistently returns to a year that he would consider the far off future, and... it's not really what he wants to cover, anyway.
...thinking of loss, though - sometimes, it helps to remember the simple things. it's what he remembers of xian le.
so, he asks: ] What sort of person was Miss Hanyuu? She liked creme puffs, is that right?
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rika doesn't brighten any, but she does relax, somewhat. this is an easier thing to talk about. even if she does it in a mean way. ]
She's a crybaby. She's always going "au au" and panicking and apologizing too much, even though everyone thinks that "Oyashiro-sama" is an unforgiving god.
... Our senses were linked. The same way that I've been linked with Kim all week. I used to eat spicy food to bully her.
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Gods are often a little misinterpreted, I think. [ after all, apparently one of the martial gods of the west that xie lian didn't really get to know turned out to be something of a lecher? who knows. not everyone can be jun wu who is perfect.
xie lian folds his hands in his lap. ]
I see. So, she saw and felt the world through you. May I ask how that came to be?
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[ it turns out, no one will listen to a tiny child explaining that god is real and is right here and is crying over spicy food. and after a while, rika just stopped caring. ]
It's about bloodlines. It's... Complicated. But she was always with me.